Turk Stupidity
by Cueball
Summary: Join the Turks, Reno and Rude, as they take on Demonic fish, and make fun of every decent film, you've ever seen.


Rude sat slumped behind his desk in the Turk Lounge, his chin was on-top of his folded arms, which were placed on the table, in-front of him was a fish bowl, his shielded eyes were staring intently on the being that happened to be a goldfish by the name of 'Cheddar' which lived in the fish bowl that was in-front of him. The fish stared back, it let out a pocket of air which floated to the top of the dark water.

"Ah ha! I'm onto you Mr. Fish! Your into Black Magic!" Rude suddenly shouted, startling the other Turks, who all looked to him, Reno walked over and took a seat next to Rude, who was still staring at the fish, but was now holding out a finger, pointing accusingly at the fish.

"Rude, why do you think the fish is into black magic?" Reno asked, now staring at the fish, another air bubble escaped the fish's mouth. "By god your right! Tseng! Get a priest! We need an exercise!"

"An Exorcism..." Tseng replied.

"Huh?"

"An Exorcism... Not an exercise..." Tseng replied again and casually flipped a page of the newspaper that he was reading.

"Oh..." Reno replied, almost disappointedly. "Tseng! Get a Rabbi! We need to operate! I mean we need an Exorcism!" Reno shouted out, not taking his eyes from the Fish.

Tseng didn't reply, but just flipped a page of his newspaper. Suddenly, the door burst open and The Exorcism music starts playing, a big black man storms in, dressed as a Doctor wearing an adult diaper.

"What's up foo's?" The man asked loudly, glancing around the room.

"What's up Dr. Barret!" Reno and Rude shouted back.

Dr. Barret walked over to the Turks, his huge afro bobbed up and down as he did and he looked down at the fish. "Is this da messed up punk ass foo' fish?"

"Yes Dr. Barret! It's possessed!" Rude shouted.

"Get me a packet of salt and a cheeseburger! Stat!" Dr. Barret barks at the Turks.

Reno ran out of the room and came back barely a second later with the salt and burger.

"How's that gonna help with an Exorcism?" Tseng asked, still not looking up from his newspaper.

"It's not foo! I'm jus hungry'!" Barret replied, chomping on the burger now full of salt, he grabbed Reno's Electro-Mag-Rod and stuck it in the fish bowl, the bowl lit up with lightning, and when Barret pulled it out the fish flopped to the top of the bowl on it's side. Suddenly, it began to float a foot above the fish bowl and spoke.

"Ga! My one weakness! Death! Curse you Dr. Barret!" The fish said in a deep demonic voice, then fell back into the bowl. Dr. Barret made his victory pose.

"He's a bad mother fu-" Rude started.

"Shut your mouth!" Reno cut him of.

"But I'm just talking about Dr. Barret!"

"And don't you forget it foo's!" Dr. Barret shouted, before he ran and jump at a window, he collided with it and fell to the floor in a heap.

"It's re-enforced, idiot..." Tseng muttered from behind his desk, still reading his newspaper. Barret jumped back to his feet, tripped on his cape and fell again, he cursed and jumped up again, he shot the window with his gun-arm and jumped out of it, Rude and Reno ran over to the broken window and looked out, they saw Dr. Barret's afro explode into multiple colors and he slowly drifted to the ground.

"He's so cool!" Reno and Rude said in awe.

"You do realize 'Dr. Barret' is apart of AVALANCHE, right?" Tseng asked, the two men nodded. "And you also realize that we're supposed to destroy them? You let him get away."

"But his Afro is so huge! That thing could eat us whole!" Reno started.

"And you didn't do anything to stop him!" Rude pointed out.

"Yeah!" Reno added.

"I was too busy reading the comics they put in these things."

"Well at-least we learned something..." Rude said.

"What's that then?" Tseng asked, in a ' I don't care, but tell me anyway ' tone.

"That he hides a parachute in his afro... And that he shows up when-ever there's a demonic fish that uses black magic..."

"Why do I have to work with morons?" Tseng asked himself and looked back down at the comic section of the Newspaper.

"So... Wanna go and bug Avalanche?" Reno asked.

"Sure... Tifa's hawt!" Rude replied with a smug grin. The two Turks looked at the window then at each other, the men nodded at each other and jumped through it, only realizing that they didn't have parachutes seconds after they did and plummeted sixty stories to the ground, which should have killed them, but this being a Parody fan fiction, they just landed on Palmer or Heidegger, or someone really fat or something like that, then went to find Avalanche.


End file.
